guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ATM looks so different sober.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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