wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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