He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
