I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
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96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
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I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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