spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I believe in your delicious
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
