She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
