She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
