You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
