remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
