she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
