I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I fill condoms, not promises.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
