My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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