That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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