my mouth tastes like poor choices
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize