Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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