You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
