She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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