I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
They took my balls.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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