I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.