So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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