So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
She announced her abortion via fbk
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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