i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
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I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
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Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.