Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP