singing on the bus should be illegal
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.