I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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