i don't like sucking hair
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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