New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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