if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize