It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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