So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
