He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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