While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
