Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
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