if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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