There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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