just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
