I never want to see another naked old woman again.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
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I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
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Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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