um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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