Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
