I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
