I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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