Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize