I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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