You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
