why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
