20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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