a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
