just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
