Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
