Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
