You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
