I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
