Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
