Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
