Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
