I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
