just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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