is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
