Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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