My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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