I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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