i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
