I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i drank out of a bidet.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
So squirting runs in the family.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
