i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
