it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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