Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
