Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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