Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize