So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
