It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
