So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
