I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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