guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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