Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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