So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
