eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Your cock deserves a montage
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
