Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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