ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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