walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
