I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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