He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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