I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
